Its Always About A Girl

I Love You

Neither of us have said a word and it’s been like twenty minutes. Okay, five, and its extremely dark inside the car except for the high beams that blind us every few minutes as the car sits idling in park, the furthest stall from the Kum and Go gas station building, more discrete. The Romeo and Juliet movie soundtrack, the one with Leo, plays track 1 #1 Crush, which is sort of like one of our songs, and after more silence I turn and stare in her eyes, hazel, they smile back at me which calms me. I feel like telling her I love her. That terrifies me. What if she doesn’t feel the same? We’ve only been together for two thirds of summer break; maybe it’s too soon. That’s crazy, I know my what these feelings are, hell I’m 16, and she’s beautiful and awesome, and I do love her. Maybe I should just say it and get it out there. My stomach hurts. We look at each other again. More silence. Half smiles. Fine. “You know, um, I, well, I kind of have wanted to tell you… well, okay, we’ve been together for a while now and…” Dude your bombing, out with it, “well… I love you.”        

Let’s just throw the obvious right out there… the first time saying I LOVE YOU to someone is scary as shit! You get that painful feeling deep down in the gut and your breathing becomes erratic… ughh! And I think for a lot of us it doesn’t really get any easier with age. The first time is always like the first time all over again! ‘Cause unless you know beyond a shadow of a doubt the receiving partner feels the same way, there is always calculated risk when uttering this expression. Unless you’re drunk. Calculating may be out the window at that point.

What was it like the first time you said, “I love you” to someone? What was their response?

Fortunately, I’ve never had the heartbreaking response that usually goes, something like, silence and a hug. Or even worse, “I feel the same way?” Or even worser (on purpose) “I’m sorry, I just don’t feel the same.” To all the brothers out there that have had that happen, bummer man, that sucks. I have had heartbreak in plenty of other areas though so I don’t feel that terribly bad.

No matter what though, anyone who can honestly throw out, “I love you” and mean it has courage. ‘Cause it takes a lot to throw yourself out there and risk that sort of rejection. The expression love is pain was spoken for a reason, but when two people both have it together it can be a wonderful thing.   

Know the facts!

Know what I love more than anything? People who try and give you there opinion about someone else when they barely know a thing about that person. And this usually happens with relationships more than anything. Come on, we've all had that happen to us. You start a relationship... suddenly your sisters friends, cousins, roommate, knows so and so and they said that your GF (or BF) is dot dot dot. "If I was you I would just walk away or be very careful!"

You know what I say to that...

FUCK YOU!

Ok. This post is more of a rant than anything. And no, I'm not running out of material. In fact, a brand new design is right around the corner. Not only will it be a cool new look, but you'll be able to subscribe to the audio version of all the articles as well as post your own stories about dating, sex, and relationships. Hopefully it will all be up within the next few weeks.

Anyway, so, FUCK YOU! Unless you actually know first hand what you're talking about, don't help. All you're doing is spreading crap that may not even be true. No matter how well you think you know someone, you may not. Nobody knows what happens with people behind closed doors. So, next time you want to talk and act like you know something about someone just keep your fucking ass mouth shut!       

If you want to help someone, ask questions about them, their lover or whatever. Get to know what your friend or family member feels or thinks. Pose questions that will help guide them into seeing what they may be missing. That helps. Not attacking the other person. K. Hope people can relate to this. I have a feeling some of you may!  

Here Read This

It’s that time again and I begin making my way to the bathroom, quickly, when my girlfriend stops me and hands over some literature to read while doing my business. How nice of her. I reach the bathroom, pop a squat and look at what I’m about to read. Clearly my GF of six months feels I need to work on my cunnilingus skills. FML. Deflated, I open up and begin reading. I better figure out what I’m doing wrong. I always thought I was awesome.

Woman often make jokes about men being clueless when it comes to navigating around a woman’s body. What’s worse is a lot of men out there think they are awesome and know their way around a vagina as well as they do the mechanics of a car. And in many cases, the answer you get from him vs. her are two completely different answers.

I too fell into this rock star, I’m amazing, sort of attitude. The difference? Once I learned that I was dong it poorly, I took the time to read and study. I am proud to say that I have taken the time to learn the mechanics of a woman and feel no shame in asking the woman I’m dating what works for her. The number one most important of all traits to posses in the bedroom… communication! Yes! For Serious! Communication!!!!!!

Too often you find that the reason women are left unsatisfied after a session between the sheets is because their lover never took the time to talk it out. Women are also at fault here too ‘cause many women are too afraid to be vocal or they are afraid to pop their lovers bubble and tell them what really works. Good communication leads to better sex, which leads to more big O’s! So talk it out!

One book I would personally recommend is She Comes First by Ian Kerner. Actually, the full title is She Comes First: the thinking man’s guide to pleasing a woman. I was already familiar with a lot of what was in the book, mainly, from having literally hundreds of conversations with women about what “worked for them.” But, for those all so shy men, order online, and enjoy the read. I did and still learned a ton.

I asked a female friend of mine once, if it was weird that I wanted to continue studying the art of love making, ‘cause I find it most important that above all I leave women satisfied. Her response – no. Then she made a comment that stuck with me forever. She said, “I think the people who continue to study and read are those that already have it figured out ‘cause they are always on the quest to become better lovers.” I guess the moral of the story would have to be… learn, study, read, talk. It can only help make you a more powerful lover!                

What? I sleep Naked

Staring in the mirror you’re mind is fueled by alcohol induced confidence and you think about how hot she is and amazed at the invite to spend the night. Granted it’s probably more because of the drunk driving factor but this doesn’t compute at this hour and state of mind. You check your breath and soon lightening strikes and you remove all your clothes. There is absolutely no possibility of being rejected if you let it all hang out! Brilliant! You take one last glance in the mirror and head back to the bedroom for sexy time.       

Does this trick actually work? Or is this simply a method used by men and accepted by woman as an appropriate lead in to the sexual process? Having had many women talk about this with me over the years I have come to realize in most cases that women just laughed about it… or think it’s creepy. I voice this not to piss all over your genius but to make all men aware that this just simply doesn’t work! And if it does, I’m pretty certain you were going to get the cookie before the plan was put into action anyway. You may think you’re being sly but women definitely know exactly what you’re doing!

Boxers are one thing. I personally have a hard time sleeping with clothes on so I strip down to boxers. Boxers are accepted by women as a comfortable barrier between your manhood and their body. Let’s be honest guys, woman are beautiful to begin with. The curves, the breasts, the lips, the hair. All of it! All women are beautiful in some fashion! Men however are not, cause we have a penis and no matter how manly or awesome you think your throck may be it is still simply a penis.

The only time this is acceptable is when you are literally 110% certain it will lead to a homerun. Which generally comes after many many many nights together and not in the dating scene. I guess if you want to help fuel female bathroom gossip or give someone a F*** My Life than be my guest.

To put simply – just don’t do it! I know the thought is tempting and I know that with every gulp of liquor that goes down your throat the thought is even more tempting but please don’t strip! Save yourself the embarrassment.  

Date 4 Week 2

It’s date 4, week 2 and I sit opposite a dark haired dark eyed beauty and I’ve just ordered the Seafood Fra Diavolo, my favorite dish with a spicy tomato sauce, shrimp, scallops, green lip mussels, roasted garlic cloves on a bed of angel hair pasta. The waiter soon returns with a bottle of Da Vinci and pulls the cork from this Chianti Riserva, pours a glass and hands it to me for inspection. Smell. Sip. Swallow. It’s good. As he backs away from the table he stops and lets the curtains fall, blocking out the restaurant distractions, and we now sit alone, candlelight, and as our wine glasses touch I become lost in her eyes and let out a light smile. As I take my first real drink and set my glass down on the dark tabletop I come to a startling revelation… date 4 week 2 has become routine.

Is taking every woman you actually like to the same restaurant a bad thing? Lets, start with the fact that I’m not talking about Chili’s Grill and Bar here. I’m talking about a restaurant that charges $23.95 for my favorite dish and the steaks cost $30+. After wine and food it’s hard to spend less than $100 on this date. To be honest what sold me on this particular restaurant was the private booth. All the annoyances of being in public and on a date are stripped away and your left alone with your date and free to do what ever your heart desires. There’s a reason the restaurant started a “knock before entering” policy.    

Since this realization I have broke out of the habit and added a number of restaurants to the date list. Mainly ‘cause I’ve always tried to do something new and unique with every girl I’ve ever dated. I always liked the idea of being able to say, “No, baby, I’ve never done this with anyone else before.” It adds a certain sacredness to the relationship.

I don’t feel like date 4 week 2 was necessarily a problem but to all the daters out there… just be certain to make each woman feel special. Make them feel like they are experiencing a one in a kind night and that they aren’t part of a re-run.

I’m not certain how other women feel on the issue. But, I think as long as it’s a special evening and not openly discussed that it shows that you really do care. In my case if you made it to date 4 week 2… I was definitely into you. 

Photo Courtesy of Roland Manarin

7th and the Bra

I sit at my desk and plot my moves as if it were a game of chess. The teacher sits at her station, grading papers, the room is silent and I’m on the far side away from her. My friends had just gotten away with it so why can’t I? I’m breathing a little heavy and my heart beats fast as I scan the room for any eyes staring in my direction. The coast is clear. I start to reach forward towards the girl in front of me. I’m getting more and more nervous now but it’s in my reach… just a little further… and… got it. I stretch it back as far as it can go, as if it were a slingshot, then release and duck down in my seat as her bra reaches skin and an enormous smacking sound bounces from one wall to the other. Pure titillation!

Bra snapping. It was a game many men have played and many women have experienced. I really can’t think of why it was such an awesome game to play as a young boy, but it was. Many of my friends enjoyed this past time, as I’m certain many women hated it. Though deep down I’m sure some women loved the attention they were receiving from their fellow boy classmates.

There is one experience I’m certain a particular girl did not like and that was the time I accidently linked my finger completely under the bra strap, through the shirt, and before I had a chance to release, she knew what was coming and whipped around as fast as she could. Problem was I didn’t let go of the bra and I ripped it partially off her. Ooops. Later, she told me I owed her a bra and rather than giving her money I asked what her bra size was so I could go to the store and get it for her. What can I say, I was 13 and needed to get a girl a bra. She was insulted. I never paid.

You could always tell who the girls liked by who they got mad at during this game. If you snapped a girl’s bra and she got pissed at you or worse yet, told the teacher, she didn’t like you. If she liked you, she would be playfully upset with a slight grin on her face. You knew you were in like flynn then!

Just having a chance to touch a bra was freakin’ sweet! Hell, even as an adult we walk past the Victoria Secret store and the inner prepubescent boy comes out in us as we think, “nice!” Ever come home from work and snap your girlfriend’s bra as an adult? That is the junior high you escaping into modern day and causing you to react without a thought process. It happens, like a glitch in the matrix. Of course I would advise fighting the urge to snap the woman’s bra standing in front of you in line at the grocery store. Definitely probably not appropriate. A sexual harassment charge is the last thing you need… right?

The game may be over for me, as a semi-respectable adult male but the game will live on in our future janitors, schoolteachers, busboys, struggling artists, attorneys, entrepreneurs, and politicians.      

The Manscape Warnings

I didn’t really have anything better to do, so I decided to say yes to the invite to go shopping at Costco with my buddy. I’m pretty much just following him as we look around the store. We stop in the cosmetic section, near the pharmacy department, and he picks up the economy size pack of razors and asks if I use a single blade razor are if I stick to the mock 3 and I let him know that I actually prefer a single blade. I then realize that I too am in need of razors so I ask if I can bum a few from him since he probably didn’t need a 24 pack to trim his manscape.

I started grooming about five years ago and I’m not exactly sure what prompted that first time. I never really gave it much thought till this day when my friend asked my advice on which razor to use. Do a lot of men question the proper technique to a well-kept manscape?

I decided to do some investigative research and ran across a wikiHow article that was useful. To find good grooming info just Google Genital Grooming Habits. What I loved the most though was the warnings. So, I’ll let you decide the best way to groom but here are some warnings that you should keep in mind. 

Only shave when in the right mind. Never shave while inebriated as you will end up regretting all the cuts in the morning more than the hangover. 

Don't shave before exercising. Not only will the sweat irritate the area, but the friction from running or other movement will irritate the area as well. Salt on an open wound hurts, so too does sweat on a recently shaved scrotum. Its a mild sting but be ready for it. 

Watch for painful bumps on your skin after shaving. This is probably an ingrown hair. It is nothing to worry about but should be examined by a doctor to prevent infection and to be sure it isn't an STD.

Avoid using a men's electric razor, especially on the scrotum. The skin of the scrotum is so thin and loose that it can be caught by the shaver, and this is extremely painful.

Additionally, avoid shaving down the center of the underside of the penis and on the center of the scrotum if for some reason you still feel you should use a men's electric razor, as it will cut the grundel, which is also extremely painful. It is best to shave when the scrotum is ascended - meaning tight against the body.

Men should avoid using products like NAIR and other bikini area hair removal due to sensitivity of the scrotal area.

Do NOT use a straight razor for obvious reasons.     

So there you have it! If there is anything you can take from this post it should be one important thing: Never drink and trim! And personally I would suggest taking your time. Never be in a hurry when working on the manscape. I hurried once before a date and ended up with a few cuts and that is never a pleasant feeling.  

Let Go Cold Turkey

I let the pain wash over me and fill every cell in my body as I lie in the shower and let the water splash my face. My eyes looked stoned though I’m sober and I keep thinking about how I want to choke the life out of my fucking girlfriend. And even though I know I need to kick this drug and find a more loving, nurturing, woman who isn’t strung out and on a mission to score white cross twice a week, this obvious realization leaves me less disturbed than the curiosity of how I got here. I don’t even do drugs. 

My face is pressed against the wall of the shower and the suffocation subsides as I calm down and begin to breath again, slowly, and I try to regain my strength.

“I am better than this!”

“Get it together you pussy!”   

I feel bad that there is nothing I can do to help and that the inevitable is to let go. And it’s worse knowing that with this sort of addiction I need to let go cold turkey and I can’t come back and check in and I can’t come back for breakup sex and I can’t even do a simple drive by. Nope. It needs to be a clean cut split. No hope for a sequel. She must fail on her own and without me. She needs to hit rock bottom in order to build her own self back up. 

Did I even really love her? How did I end up on the floor of the shower feeling helpless and alone? What the shit does it matter!?! I have been broken by another human beings stupidity and carelessness and my own heart now needs rescued. And only I can do something about it.

I lift myself off the floor of the shower, turn off the water and grab a towel. Now dazed and feeling somewhat numb to the pain I wipe the water from my naked body and stare at my self in the mirror. I stare into my own brown eyes; I haven’t looked myself in the eyes lately. Have I been hiding from my own self?

I breathe deep, inhaling as much air as possible and a sense of accomplishment starts to hit my blood stream. I’m ready. My eyes look to my mouth for approval and I crack a slight half smile then exit the bathroom to grab the phone.                

College Female Asks Virgin to Play Just the Tip

Okay. I’m sure most of you have heard of the game just the tip… or maybe even played it, but just in case let’s start with a review. Just the tip is a trick usually men use when trying to pry off that chastity belt and slide one home with that girlfriend not quit ready to commit sexually. Generally the situation goes like this:

Man: I am so turned on baby! Should I get a condom?

Woman: I am too honey… I’m just not ready yet.

Man: I know you want to wait for the right time but wouldn’t here be the most special way to give ourselves to each other?

Woman: I’m sorry. I just can’t.

Man: I understand. Tell you what, how about I put just the tip in? That way we aren’t really actually having sex!

Woman: Well, I guess, as long as it’s just the tip.

And of course it goes down hill fast from there. Soon you’re feeling a whole lot more than tip and the man’s trick has worked. He now gets his cookie and you’re left confused trying to figure out how it happened.     

I’ve heard of this game over the years. Personally, I have never tried it. But, many men out there have. However, NOTHING prepared me for the day when a close female friend of mine, over a quaint luncheon at Wendy’s, told me that in college (roughly a decade ago) she had been dating a virgin and was going nuts waiting to indulge in the joys of sex. So, she eventually stole his virginity by playing just the tip. HOLY SHIT! A woman asking a man to play just the tip! Really? And to top it off it was while taking a man’s virginity… which, I know a lot of women out there fantasize about deflowering a man, but who would have thought all you needed to do is play just the tip!

However, since this practice is mostly done by men… here comes the disclaimer! Women… Beware! This is how it all starts; pretty soon, the tip turns into a whole lot of manhood. So, be careful. Plus, generally the man is not wrapped in protection since it’s only the tip and they are trying to sneak one home. To all the shady F-ers out there pissed at my honesty… Oooops. MY bad. But, young women have a right to know.  

Of course if you’re in a committed relationship, sometimes, just the tip can be a fun little bedroom game to play to entice your lover and get in the mood. Or to see how long you can hold out while having just the tip in. I’m sure you can think of some creative ways you and your partner could use just the tip to your passionate advantage.

The Great Wall

Has your love and thoughtfulness towards a loved one been sodomized by their careless indiscretion?

The Great Wall of China may have been constructed over multiple centuries; from the first emperor Qin Shi Huang through the Ming Dynasty, over 2,000 years of progress, but for most of us it only takes a short dark period for us to build our protective walls. However, whether it takes many, many, many years and countless deflating moments or whether it takes but one fatal blow for your walls to appear, it takes far more work and effort to penetrate it and to make those walls crumble.

Breaking down our barriers and allowing a person into our heart is tough, let alone if you have been hurt in the past. It’s so easy for us to clam up and suppress the feelings of true joy, love, care, and happiness that someone could bring us and the biggest problem with these walls is that they keep the potential good out. They keep us from finding happiness, from being content with the things we have. There is always a reason to push someone away. ALWAYS! There is always an obstacle to overcome. ALWAYS!

But, whatever your obstacles are, each and every one of us needs to face these issues head on and address them.

Exposing yourself is a very scary thing, especially for men. That little big word, “FOREVER” is terrifying. But, if we work at it and tear down the great wall, we open ourselves up to possibilities unimaginable. Yes, we may have opened our self to every insatiable “love” disease but the older I get the more I find the concept of waking up next to someone who knows me as good as I do or better seems more liberating than the concept of “safety.”

A great wall is generally constructed after someone else’s indiscretion, someone else’s abuse. So, you can’t always fault someone for having this protection. All you can do is show them, through your actions and words, that you mean no harm and that you truly care about their well being. And since about everyone on earth have these walls, they will only be broken down by the people who truly care about you.