Neither of us have said a word and it’s been like
twenty minutes. Okay, five, and its extremely dark inside the car except for
the high beams that blind us every few minutes as the car sits idling in park, the
furthest stall from the Kum and Go gas station building, more discrete. The
Romeo and Juliet movie soundtrack, the one with Leo, plays track 1 #1 Crush,
which is sort of like one of our songs, and after more silence I turn and stare
in her eyes, hazel, they smile back at me which calms me. I feel like telling
her I love her. That terrifies me. What if she doesn’t feel the same? We’ve
only been together for two thirds of summer break; maybe it’s too soon. That’s
crazy, I know my what these feelings are, hell I’m 16, and she’s beautiful and
awesome, and I do love her. Maybe I should just say it and get it out there. My
stomach hurts. We look at each other again. More silence. Half smiles. Fine.
“You know, um, I, well, I kind of have wanted to tell you… well, okay, we’ve
been together for a while now and…” Dude your bombing, out with it, “well… I
love you.”
Let’s just throw the obvious right out there…
the first time saying I LOVE YOU to someone is scary as shit! You get that
painful feeling deep down in the gut and your breathing becomes erratic… ughh!
And I think for a lot of us it doesn’t really get any easier with age. The
first time is always like the first time all over again! ‘Cause unless you know
beyond a shadow of a doubt the receiving partner feels the same way, there is
always calculated risk when uttering this expression. Unless you’re drunk.
Calculating may be out the window at that point.
What was it like the first time you said, “I love
you” to someone? What was their response?
Fortunately, I’ve never had the heartbreaking
response that usually goes, something like, silence and a hug. Or even worse,
“I feel the same way?” Or even worser (on purpose) “I’m sorry, I just don’t
feel the same.” To all the brothers out there that have had that happen, bummer
man, that sucks. I have had heartbreak in plenty of other areas though so I
don’t feel that terribly bad.
No matter what though, anyone who can
honestly throw out, “I love you” and mean it has courage. ‘Cause it takes a lot
to throw yourself out there and risk that sort of rejection. The expression love
is pain was spoken for a reason, but when two people both have it together it
can be a wonderful thing.
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Posted by: オテモヤン | March 26, 2010 at 10:07 AM
Hmmm...Eric, I had the movie I love you and nothing beats it! Chad, great post, it was like I was almost there ;)
Posted by: Candice McIntosh | July 22, 2009 at 12:07 PM
Ok, from a girls perspective, i'm gonna tell you its even harder. You know me chad, i want to say it after a month, but for a girl you can't just say it or you look like a crazy stalker. and it gets WAY harder the older you get, when ur a kid ur a kid but at this age, you could potentially marry that person
Posted by: Kysa | June 28, 2009 at 12:03 AM
For some reason everytime I've said 'I love you' for the first time with a girl, it was followed by a laugh and an 'I love you too'. I've never had the movie I love you's.
Posted by: Eric Dwight | June 19, 2009 at 10:53 PM